O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
