Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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