Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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