we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
