Redeem this text for a blowjob
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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