I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
