i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
