He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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