dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
