Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
