I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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