i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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