Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
