It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
