I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
