God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
When are your genitals available?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
