I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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