Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
