I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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