There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
