Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
