come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
