i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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