I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Do vagina's smell?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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