Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
