Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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