i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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