Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
