I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
