Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize