I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
