he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
