I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
