Christians are straight up FREAKS
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
