ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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