how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
