my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
