I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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