If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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