The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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