She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
