I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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