ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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