Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
