This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
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You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
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We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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