I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
