this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
