epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
