That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He kissed a someone with a penis
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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