I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
