I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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