you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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