I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
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