"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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