This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
How's work?
Spinning.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
