a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
