I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.