dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
