do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
