sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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