saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
