I got chris browned last night
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
