Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i would punch a child for taco bell
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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