I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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