I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
