How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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