A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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