so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
