the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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