are you still at the devil's house?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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