Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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