HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
