I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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