Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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