I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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