Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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