Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
