The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
why is half of my head shaved?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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