I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
