Kiss
Puke
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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