The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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