I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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