so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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