happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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