I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
